Communicating With Kids

Author: Emily Graham


Communicating With Kids: Tips by Age Group


Playground disputes and disappointing grades—and learning to deal with them—are important parts of growing up. Before you intervene on your child’s behalf, think about what response is appropriate for his maturity level and developmental stage.

Talking With Young Children

Younger children, especially those in kindergarten through 3rd grade, will need help thinking about how to respond to problems at school. You can help your child learn problem-solving skills by talking about potential responses and what results they may bring. Help your child decide the best steps to take and encourage her to do what she can on her own.

Older children may be aware of potential solutions but still need encouragement to act. Children sometimes need coaching from their parents to take the first step, says Temple University psychology professor Laurence Steinberg.

If the problem persists, Steinberg recommends calling your child’s teacher to see what insights she can bring.

Talking with Adolescents

By 4th or 5th grade, children may become more resistant to parental involvement. Although it’s a difficult balance, it’s important to respect your adolescent’s growing desire for autonomy while being available to help when needed. For example, if a 7th grader is struggling in math class, talking with the child about the best way to ask the teacher for extra help is likely be more effective than calling the teacher directly, Steinberg says.

As adolescents feel the need for more privacy, there will be times they simply don’t want to talk. When that happens, Steinberg recommends the following approach: “If a 12- or 13-year-old looks upset, say ‘You look upset. Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?’ If the child says no, say ‘That’s OK, but if you do feel like talking, I’m here.’ ”